So I have been a bit absent in my recording on here my apologies but it’s been for good reason none the less. So a bit of a recap, I will be 10 months post op next Friday on the 10th. It’s totally amazing how fast time has gone by and how comfortable I have become in my skin. It’s all about the little things in life that so many people take for granted. Everything is in tip-top shape and feeling has come in. The amount of sensation that I have right now I never dreamed of being possible. As the days pass it feels just as if this is what I was born with and has grown with me over the years. I thank Dr Crane all the time for his amazing and continued work on my case. He is truly an amazing person, surgeon, and advocate for the transgender community. I am so happy that I was able to share the end of my journey with him, his colleagues, his amazing office personnel, and all the great new friends I’ve made that are also current or previous patients. This experience in itself has been a life changing on and I am so very happy that I’ve reached this point of mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity at such a needed time in my life.
So to move things along, I have 14 days left until Crane does my 2nd stage of surgery. There is a standard way he does things and then in my case we are doing things a bit different in a sense. My 2nd stage will consist of glansplasty (yay!), liposuction of the phallus (about 1 inch reduction, currently 6.75 in girth), re-fusion of the scrotum (about 1 inch separated during my original healing, no functional impact just aesthetically annoying), repositioning my urethra the midline (aka bringing the urethral opening to the tip instead of underneath in its current hyspodias placement due to the previous necrotic revision), and investigative scoping of the urethra. The last part I want to explain a bit as it is specifically based on my situation. Since I had meta I found that sometimes my urine contained streaks of blood. Over the years it has gotta slightly worse occurring more frequently than in the past. Last year my primary urologist at Kaiser did a scoping of my urethra and found nothing disastrous afoot, however he did explain to me what the possible and most likely culprit was. In his explanation he stated that the way the urethra is made in these procedures it basically makes a U shape. As the native urethra points down while a cis urethra is placed higher up and points out. So in order to correct our flow it is remade and the way it ends up is the U shape previously explained. Now with this U shape, a slight pocket may form in some cases and fluid may collect (non-life threatening) which then enables the pocket to expand. This expansion can and will cause irritation of the tissue allowing for it to bleed. The blood is then trapped in this pocket until it is forced out. Aka when the flow of urine happens it is then forced from the pocket and out of the body. There is no indications of when or if this will happen which sucks balls. Before phallo I could tell as it always usually happened when I was dehydrated but now it’s touch and go. So with that being said I told Crane and I was sent for a UA and culture. Results came back all normal so there was no infections thank goodness but I have started to take precautions to prevent UTI’s in the future. So this is the reason he has chosen to scope the urethra while I am under and if there is anything needing to be assessed and corrected he will do so at that time. Oh there is also a small indent in the back of my perineum that makes me a little uncomfortable so he will be smoothing that over so it’s all even back yonder way lol. Other than this it’s just the waiting game at this point. I’m looking forward to being done with phallo so that I can get into some of the ideas I have been back searing for a few months. I also look forward to the fall as I will be helping to make this city a better place for the trans community that lives and love it so much. I’m truly starting to believe this city was the best choice I’m my life as its bringing me balance in ways I’ve never imagined.
Ok so enough about that *steps off soap box* lol
After almost 5 years exactly, I can say I am now the proud owner of a brand new chest and two chocolate thunder twins! (my nipples lol) Last Thursday, June 25th 2015, I was proudly able to see my Kaiser surgeon Dr. Tong and left my life in her hands. All I can say is I NEVER could have imagined having the chest of my dreams! I know when it comes to the human race and the word perfect it is nearly impossible to achieve such a state in the flesh however this is my piece of perfect finally! I woke up from surgery really happy and went in the same way I felt so comfortable and in the right hands. I have known my surgeon for almost a year as she was the one to check on me back during my first ER visit post phalloplasty. She took the time to draw all her markings the day before surgery which I was so grateful for as it allowed me to have input and see what I was to expect. Giving me the needed emotional time to settling in fully with the scars I would be living with. Thus far they are soooooooo thin I have no worry about how they will heal. I’m fact I have absolutely 0% swelling, bruising, or pain at 8 days post op now. Which is totally amazing to say the least and I had way more pec than I thought, contour makes all of the difference guys. Oh and fun shit, guess who has nipple sensation already?! THIS GUY! Lmao so this all has me happy so that once I get back into training and getting big it’s going to be the best I’ve felt in the gym ever due to actually seeing the work I’m putting in. I can already feel the excitement.
Now to the not so fun part of my revision. So for the past few years I have always had an inkling that some breast tissue was left, no not the useful fatty tissue that makes your pec I’m referring to the actual mammary glandular tissue that can be potentially cancerous especially in a person that has a family history of breast, ovarian, and uterine cancers. But not being a breast specialist I did not know if what I was feeling was actual breast tissue or fatty tissue. Well they always say go with your gut and first mind and they both were correct smh. All this time I trusted that my original surgeon had removed all the tissue that could have been potentially dangerous to my life and lo and behold it was left. And the even crappier thing is I had to have a revision to find this out! What if I never was able to get this revision!? This could have cost me my life and that’s why it’s so very much upsetting and makes me think back to the times I used to hear stories about guys who went for surgery and woke up with parts still left inside. Especially the hysto stories and those kind of stories always scared the shit out of me and I have good reason from now on to get a second opinion. So while I am seeing Crane during my pre op he’s going to take a look at my chest. I also plan on doing further labs just to make sure everything is on the up and up because the last thing I want is to die because someone else’s careless actions with my health-care. I am just glad I have a caring and competent team of healthcare providers over my care now it’s making so many differences in my life. And I am glad I can fully trust them. So word of advice for myself and those reading this, if your gut is telling you something is off then it probably is! So needless to say I will not be leaving y team of providers for some time which is a new thing for me but a great thing in the long run.
Other than all this eventful stuff, my life has been pretty bland lol. It’s Ramadan (Alhamdulillah) and I can’t fast (thank you meds smh) but I’ve been in a great mood and spent alot of time helping other in any way I can. It is really rewarding! Oh I also half way went to SF lgbt pride, I live not too far from the Castro so can’t help but to walk right into it lol. It was definitely a lot for my anxiety as I don’t do too well with large amounts of people I don’t know well. But my buddy and his fiance were with me so it made it a hit easier but I still felt very uneasy. But it’s better than before so some progress is better than none lol. Hopefully next year I’ll be able to relax enough to kick back and chill for a few there. I am definitely feeling more community centered here but I still have my balance of cisness as I call it lol and have made some great friends on both sides of the fence. I do find that it is easier now to talk about my transition then it ever was before but I am still very much so selective in telling those that I call close friends. It’s always going to be like that unless I know they are trans friendly. One day thought I will find that courage and come out once again but for the last time. As I am one that truly believes you can never have a true friend if they don’t even know the real you so I’m working on surrounding myself with good healthy-minded individuals so that I can share my true self and be accepted just as that, my truth…
Until after surgery…..
Salaam
Masculinity: Lifes Exploration 