3 months post op & sensation

Sheesh… Walahi I’ll be a year post next time I turn around lol. What happened to the space time continuum? Who pressed accelerate 😯….

Well since I’m being asked a zillion times about sensation I might as well say a bit about that. Firstly a public service announcement 📢….

PSA: SENSATION TAKES TIME!

With that being said YES I have sensation but no its not in full for obvious reasons one of which being nerve regeneration is fast per say however in actuality it takes the nerves a while (months sometimes years depending on person, age, health factors, etc) to grow from base to tip. Think of the process a budding tree and it’s roots have same occurrence in a way. Since it’s been 90 days doing the estimated math I should have 3.5 (roughly) inches of feeling. Seeing as though I can accurately feel 3 inches at least from base up the shaft that’s pretty spot on give or take half inch or so. As well the feeling all the way around the shaft varies as well as the sensation grows.

Protective sensation (i.e. Can tell when you injure yourself or if you need to readjust, etc.) I’ve had that for quite some time probably almost immediately in some places at the base of my shaft. But as of today I can totally feel the need to readjust and since the nerves are very sensitive as they awaken (😱) it does not feel anyone’s kind of nice when I get the signal to readjust. If I had to put a description with the feel of that, it’s like someone taking teeth to the head of your penis and pulling down not too hard but just enough where you say “oooow” lol. But it’s definitely NOT a feeling that I even remotely like and can not wait until it dies down. But I can’t complain as that feeling as uncomfortable as it is a great indicator of bigger things. Feelings of discomfort in this order are actually good as if there was none then I’d be highly concerned about the success of the nerve anatomosis aka nerve hook up. But seeing as though I have these feelings I’m not worried at all.

Erotic sensation (i.e. When I touch it I get excited, I feel good when I touch it, I successfully get off by touching it, etc) that has and will continue to increase each and every day as I heal. The feeling I have in that area now is pretty strong. I think alot has to do with my brain’s formating as well. Even with only about 3 varied inches of feeling I can grab nothing but the tip of my penis and jerk and totally get off with no issues. Each time I do however I notice a new feeling, way I can bend my penis something else that feels interesting, or many other things. In theory if I used the same mentality I did with meta (thinking back to miro regime of cialis to increase blood flow into the penis) if I’m increasing the blood flow to the penis aka becoming aroused in a bigger frame I’m actually helping myself out lol. But i do have a very very good blood supply. My penis stays very warm now half the time I forget and catch myself asking myself “What the hell is warm on my leg?” 😂 oooo that’s me duh lol. The tip of my penis gets a little cool but warms right back up soon as my body temperature does. I never really noticed before that my thighs get cooler making everything that temp at times. It’s all an interesting adventure indeed.

Oh and before it’s asked for those that remember post meta I was able to ejaculate. As Crane promised me, I am still able to ejaculate and happens every time and comes from the urethral opening. Take a bit longer to get to the tip for reasons of longer travel route but it’s wayyyyy more then with meta which I’m going to attribute to my level of comfortablity rising.

Sex wise, if I was a man whore then sure I could totally have had sex by now lmao. But I have a degree of modesty in regards to that though and a different spin on my healing since this is such a large process I want to make sure I’m taking the proper steps and not rushing. As its one thing to jerk off I can do that as ginger as I want with no pressure. Sex on the other hand I can see that being highly painful right now. Heck when I bend over or kneel down the gravity isn’t my friend just yet so I can only imagine what thrusting would do to those same areas that are sore from just bending. Not to mention my leg isn’t about that life yet lol. I don’t plan on having sex though until I’m married I’ll let yall know when it happens though. I’m down to maybe 4 Tylenol extra twice a day if I really really need it. But most days I’m good without anything just a baby aspirin in the morning to keep the blood flowing since I clot extremely fast because I heal extremely fast turns out its a gift and curse lol.

Incision wise, all them are closed. Today I’ll start with scar treatments. Going to get some bio oil later on today and seeing what these scar strips are like for my leg and the base/underside of my penis which I just want a tad bit flatter. I wanted it a little raised though as it feels like a nice ass vein. The fistula I had close on the 28th of last month and a fee days later I noticed another at the immediate base where the incision lines all intersect. Using the same regime as with the first (medihoney, wet to dry gauze change every 12 hours) it’s almost closed already. Most people count things like fistula as complications, seeing as though they didn’t require surgical interventions I am NOT counting fistulas as a complication in my case only as a variation of my healing process which should NOT be used to analyze your chances of fistulas. And even if you get a fistula I’ve given you enough information at this point to get rid of said fistula 😉.

Finally not walking like I have a 10 ft pole between my legs either lmao. I was getting tired of the stares and people asking me didn’t hurt. Referring to my dick of course as that’s what it also look like someone kicked me in the nuts or something lol. I can close my legs, bend my legs kneel, squat, walk fast (haven’t tried to jog yet need better underwear for that first lol), etc all normal things we take advantage of until we can’t do them normally. I can finally roll over on my stomach but not too sure where I feel most comfortable when positioning so I still sleep on my sides with a pillow between my knees or on my back until I figure that out. Any suggestions are totally welcome I miss belly sleeping.

Jeans are NOT the well endowed best friend. Levi’s like seriously? Why does the crotch have to be so dang high? I’m now trying to figure out how any guy gets in these things with a avg size without feeling like he’s wrestling his jeans lol. Smh my favorite pants til this day are my sweats and until jeans fit better they will be lol. Naw I do wear jeans just not the Levi’s either I’ll have to get a larger size (not advisable as I’m not that big waist wise and I don’t sag either lol) or I’m going to have to find a tailor and have them altered or learn to do it myself. I’m going to be grabbing a few new hobbies, becoming a bit more self sufficient (altering my own clothes, cutting my own hair, etc) makes me more useful later as a father, husband, and friend. So just trying to expand myself in other ways since I have extra time and energy at this point. Freedom I tell you it’s wonderful not to feel like you have a noose around your neck in constant hiding all the dang time smh.

Other than that I haven’t been doing much getting ready to love here shortly into my place. Can’t wait I missed having my own little quiet space for when I need to read, pray meditate, contemplate, or just want to be left to my own. Lord willing I’ll be able to start this program soon. Taking a large break from medical the headache is not worth the stress right now and my emotional/mental health is more important than how others feel about it or what they need from me. Spiritually I’m drained, so I have to rectify this and I believe taking some course in Islamic studies will do alot of justice. We all say we end transition modesty in fact we never end transition (cis or not) until we stop breathing on this earth. So I transition from one state into the next phase of my life. Seems like a every 7 year thing for me which is cool. So the next 7 I’ll spend increasing my knowledge in things I long for then who knows the next 7 after that might be dedicated to helping people again. Modesty for now I have to help myself first which I’ve neglected for others needs which is rewarding yes but draining at the same time in ways the same people I help seem to forget or totally oblivious about all together. With time I see this getting better.

Oh with today being the 10th it’s also the first day I meet my new psychiatrist at Kaiser. This should be an interesting day indeed, backtracking to fix some broken links is never fun but in the long run the only way to move on is to accept and move past the situation. So Lord willing this will be fruitful I’m just glad I have my Dr’s all working together makes my anxiety that much less as I don’t have to stress over reexplaining myself every time. Walahi, moving here was the best thing I could have done for myself over all in many different ways.

Over the next year you all will see a change in me but it will be for the better. For some it will mean the end of us communicating and for others it will mark the beginning of a new friendship. Such is life, when ever you make life changes your true friends are always shown but at this point I care more about me than what people think about me like ass holes everyone is always going to have an opinion. But human opinion weighs about the amount of ant and in my heart at this point.

So with that being said… Bring on the new year! I will be updating monthly at this point until July (they moved me back to weeks but I like the date better 7/10 how ironic the day after my 7th year on T, those that really know me know the significance of these two numbers in my life).

Until then….

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh ✌

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Comments
  1. karteo79 says:

    Hello, Sir Vertigo! Ill be having my surgery on July of 2015, If you don’t mind I would like to get your email address. I do have some questions. Here’s my email kartero79@yahoo.com. Thanks

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