And today...

And today…

I woke up this morning and looked at the calendar, you know when you see the best moment of your life thus far on the schedule you get a little emotional. It’s just an amazing feeling that brings me so so much joy. For people to really insist that the medical interventions of these procedures are not beneficial I believe they are the ones that need medical examination. I mean seriously to deny anyone this liberation is absurd to a whole other degree of insanity to say the least.

I think the only thing at this point that saddens me is that I feel everyone who needs this should have this opportunity. I’ve been so very thankful for Kaiser and the entities involved getting these mandates passed. I think they are up to 7 States (CA, OR, CO, CT, VT, DC, and IL)  now and from what I read not too long ago, there are an expected 4-6 more states that maybe dropping mandates on inclusive care soon.   Soon as before this year is out! It is amazing to think that one day you will be able to go any where  in this country and get the coverage like anyone else and options of medically necessary care without denial or unneeded screening measures that in the end are more costly than effective. So many need the chance of completion and hopefully that chance is on its way soon.

I’m at a point now where I feel the same as I did with meta, pure bliss .  Many keep asking me am I scared, nervous, ready? Well honestly  speaking, there is not a bit of fear I don’t fear anything on this earth quite frankly. This is a part of my path to greatness and self acknowledgement I just have to go with the flow and roll with the punches. There could always be fear of the unknown however this is where my long endless nights over the years have paid off exponentially. No matter how flustered I was over the years I am more appreciative than ever now for the time it took to get to this point allowing me the proper time to gauge and  assess what was best for me in the long term.  I am calm to the point I’ll honestly fall asleep before they take me in the OR  just as they did with meta lol. I suppose when you trust the hands you are in there is that leisure. It’s been great being able to meet the entire team a few times before surgery addressing a few concerns I’ve had and those being laid to rest. Also being able to physically see results allowed me to gauge further what was best for me. I can really say most pictures do no justice to the aesthetic aspect of the phallus’ that are being created now. It’s amazing what science and medical technology is capable and how far it has come in such short time. I can not wait to detail the recovery process as I know it is a needed aspect in this process. Beneficial for you all but more so for myself to gauge how far I’ve come when in a tough moment of healing.

Is there a proper ready ever when it comes to these moments in life? I’m in the zone so I suppose that makes me ready than ever. Ready to return to a normative life and regain traction so that I can accomplish the rest of the things I have planned. Ready to move past transitional stages and live in the state I was destined to live in. Ready to fully be comfortable within the skin I was given even though some assembly was required. I read somewhere,  can’t remember exactly where at the moment, that intersexed and transsexuals can not happily live life after transitional care. I wonder what conclusive data they had to state these off balance facts of theirs? More over, I know it’s a load as there are hardly enough studies done of the medical implications that proper care offers. I am glad many are starting to wake up to the truths of this and reassessing many outdated and most times unethical standard exclusive measures to bar millions from care.  I am nervous but not in the way of being scared, more nervous as in anxious and happily awaiting to awaken after surgery a new. I keep reflecting on it that this time next week I will be gearing up officially! I remember the first moment I decided I wanted phalloplasty. Can’t believe that was over 10 years ago now. Time surely does pass without you really paying attention. Just in this time alone so many things have advanced it’s amazing.

Another emotion I can say I do have is curiosity. Its like being a little kid and seeing a box wondering what’s in the box but not allowed to open it yet. In the sense that I wonder what will be different as far as sensation, I remember alot was new with meta.  Heck many abilities I have I did not expect in the least at all to be able to do but I guess the body does as it wills.  And the body is an amazing organ that many need to appreciate on much greater scales. I wonder how my anatomy will differ and excited about it as well. I am fully accepting of the changes that will come with my phallus and also welcome them. I heal fantastically, this is known by watching a 3rd degree burn heal over the years.  So I am very confident scaring over time will be one of those things I’ll just talk about in the past tense and thank the Lord for the present situation. I think the one thing anatomy wise I am most happy about is having the recreation of my scrotum from biforbid (double sac) to one conjoined and anatomically correct sac.  I will have the downward hang I desire and it will also alleviate the one ball tucking more inward to my body effect I’ve had going on for some time with my left testicle. Lastly, intimacy wise I am excited to see how much that changes. Just to know I don’t have to stop and go to the top drawer every time I want to have a moment with my spouse is going to feel by far amazing! No packing or nothing in front that doesn’t belong to me. No more issues with airports, locker rooms, certain pants, the beach, or even just walking around shirtless worried about lack of print. So many under estimate what a lack of something can stop a person from pursuing. Everyone’s  level of dysphoria is different,  that’s what makes this medical process so interesting and more proof that blanket exclusions are harmful. I am glad though this is all coming to a close and I can finally exhale…

I know this is going to be no walk in the park.  I won’t even play around with you all like it is but I have patience with myself and this process. And at the end of the day that will make the ultimate difference. The body is responsive to not only proper aftercare physically but also mentally and emotionally.  The less stress introduced to your elements the better the body heals as well. I know at first things will be a bit challenging but just as before I kept a steady pace and I got through. Self discovery always makes for a great time and along the way I’ll enjoy watching as the body heals itself and comparing stage by stage of healing. It’s always fun relearning yourself and going through a process of analyzing what new found treasures lay ahead. I am curious as to what kinds of support of the nads is needed. I’m sure I’ll be writing a wonderful rendition of underwear 101 for the well endowed  lol. I grabbed so far a few pair a bit snugger than my normal size just for the initial stages so that padding will stay put but for the most part in the long run I see myself back in boxers.  Though I have a new found love for briefs of a certain cut.  Looks like I’ll be back to spending long periods of time in the underwear section lol. So many thoughts, the mind is just racing on and on with anticipated events to come.  It’s like sheesh just get here already so I’ll know. I can’t wait to see everything despite the few moments of pain it’ll be worth it. I can’t wait to feel that sensation of joy that’ll overwhelm me to tears. I’ve been waiting on this moment what seems like forever but in reality it’s been way less time than many and I have to be thankful for this opportunity.

I think I’ve flooded you all with 3 posts now while I’m under lol.  So I suppose now is a better time then ever to say salaam until tomorrow… Staggering yet another post😊…

Until then…



  1. Mod says:

    I dont think IL is trans inclusive with health care yet, unless im out of the loop. It should be nationwide by now.

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