The subject at hand…

So I’m sitting here of course mulling over plans as I do once or twice a day. Revisiting a few ideas and notions that I’ve tossed to the bottom of the pile as other things in my mind took precedent over them. I’m looking into small business insurance as I begin to move forward with employment within my company. I would like something that would covered everything we will all need and use to full advantage. This let me to thinking about coverage of SRS and what this may or many not implicate in my future plans to pursue phalloplasty. Where cost becomes a non factor and skill is the only thing that is inforced there becomes an inner battle over what is deemed as personal best.

I will be looking into getting insurance but by doing so this opens up options for me that were not previously obtainable. Such as higher cost surgical teams. Now one thing I can say is that there is only ONE reason I would stay in the US for surgery, as time goes on I will explain more about this. Seeing as though my company is internationally traveling I do not see why I would not be able to find such coverage for international surgery. But it does leave the mind to wander about possibilities of pursuing a forearm phalloplasty, which though undesirable by scarring very desirable in many other ways. I often find myself at this lingering cross-road of to do or not to do. Certain fears of dexterity issues plague me constantly, I mean if I was not trying to pursue a serious medical career then it would not bother me as much. I feel if there was some issue with my hands and wrists then I would be forced to lower my expectations of further career choices and possibly only be a regular medical specialist. Which by no means am I saying that’s bad just not something I wanted to do. I digress, I suppose in order to truly gain traction in life there are sacrifices one must make in order to get to where they need to be. If by chance the latter does happen the I see myself honestly becoming an NP over MD as I honestly feel NP do spend more quality hands on time with the patients then a majority of MD‘s. I will still be able to legally practice medicine, have a practice, and treat patients in most of the same manners MD‘s do. It just really sucks that it has to happen that way but if it does I know it was just meant to happen and for a good reason.

As state above my reason to stay in the US would be a new Dr, Dr Crane. Though there is no work to be shown knowing who he has worked with does put me at much ease when it comes to his surgical abilities. People ask me why I do not care if I see results, well frankly there will always be someones first and to get where I need to be I do not mind being that first at all. I know plenty of people who are a surgeons first and have phenomenal results, the feeling and faith I have in his abilities are the same way i feel when I think of Miro which is a very calming indication. I’ve spoken with him already via phone and have a consult set up with him for Feb out in San Fran which I am very excited about as I will be spending my 25th birthday in San Fran. He will be doing MLD phalloplasty with a bit of personal modification to appease my needs. Hopefully we can get this done in one step as the majority of the work is already done for him (hence why I had meta first makes sense now huh?).

I will be getting a scrotal fusion to make the scrotum appear a bit more natural, as well I will be getting my 18cc testicular implants taken out and replaced with 22cc to allow a bit more hang time. As they sit nice now but I know would be too small for the aesthetic look I am aiming for. If I could get some low hangers that would be totally awesome lol. But I will talk more to him about that when the time comes. I will also be getting secondary urethral lengthening to the tip, knowing that he is a urologist has me at serious ease. If I had one HUGE pet peeve with US surgeons doing bottom vast majority ARE NOT urologist which really bothers me. One of the main reasons I went to Miro besides many other factors. I will also be getting a modified glansplasty as I have a very specific outlook on how my penis will look and that’s what I will settle for as I know it is possible in every form. Phallus size is something I get to choose but a modest 5.5 x 5 is what I am aiming for 6 in at max length. Most people forget how freaking big a phallus actually is especially those only packing with 3-4 inches. I was also VERY happy to hear that I will be able to retain my ability to ejaculate, though not the range I have now I will be very optimistic as I never knew I would have the ability in the first place!

Things are really on the up and up and I’m so freaking happy. Just as before nothing but faith has gotten me here so I continue to keep the same mind frame and time frame for phalloplasty to happen. I already know it will just waiting on the funds to fall in place as working with insurance will be a breeze and Dr. Crane has already stated he will do what he needs to help to get this covered. In my case things can be easily be covered so now its just getting the insurance to do so. I have that feeling I had prior to meta and I can say its a reassuring feeling. I can also say taking this time and having meta first for me was the best route I could have taken.

Some people can just jump right into phalloplasty and be fine but others never take the time to understand that it is NOT just surgery but an event that will change your life and how you do things FOREVER! If you are not mentally, emotionally, and physically ready for something like this it will take a toll on you. This is something I knew many years ago and the position i was in previously was not a place where I would have been able to have a good recovery without fear, pain, stress, or worry. So for me this was the best thing I could have done for myself, as well to allow for situations where I could pay little to nothing to arrive. Which has done just that and I am soooo ecstatic about things! All my efforts are finally paying off and I am one more step to DONE!

I have thought a lot about the after surgery and thought to myself, “what will be my drive?”. I am glad that I have Gateway Trans* Health up and running to allow me to maintain that drive but now in the sense of helping others to get where they need to be. I really honestly enjoy watching others reach the point in their life that will complete them or bring them one step closer to completion. I can not wait until I get to the point that I can actually open a clinic here in TX and start to assist those in need; even though I know I will have a span of national or even international scale. I want it to be a place that people from all over the world will want to come to in order to receive care and affordable care at that. Maybe one day I can self fund the clinic so that care will be minimal to the client so hopefully by then healthcare in the country will be better so that any remaining fees can be taken care of so then it would be free in every instance. And even if not free next to nothing at all. I can not wait to get to that point but for now I make sure to keep things going steady, I am happy I have been able to make some people’s lives different already and know I will have the chance to help many more. It is a good feeling and one I would not trade for the world EVER!

Just a waiting game now and good wait at that. Considering the fact that my 25th birthday is soon to come up I believe I am making good speed in life. I know once I get a bit more funding for GTH I will be hiring employees and taking a year sabbatical from traveling/assisting to go back to school to get my LPN. Once I obtain that I can get my BSN online just need to take the bridged program. Not too sure as of now the route of physician I will be but I know I will be one that will change the face of transgender and intersexed care.

Heck it seems so far away but I know for a fact its really right there in front of me…

Salaam

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