Expansion: Evolution at its finest

Posted: April 30, 2011 in Changes, Growth, POC = People Of Color, post t, Post-op, spirituality, Transgender, update

Well of course my schedule has been hectic lately due to school and work. But even more so I’ve just been sitting back to observe my surroundings. The beauty of getting to know thyself is amazing. Even more so understanding what your heart needs and accepting the reality of that can be mind bending.

Learning the power of forgiving and understanding the power of judgment. I truly must say when you spend a lot of time thinking and to yourself you learn a lot about the world. You see things in perspectives that were unobtainable before due to clouded judgment. It honestly feels like a breath of fresh air. But as with anything else self discovery makes you build and reroute your plans so they better suit your dreams. I’ve always been somewhat of a person that would make plans but the slightest pattern of flex I would be off on another path. Finally I have learned to do all that my heart desires but plan them accordingly.

I would definitely be crowned the king of spontaneity. From one thing to another but now I find myself calm, content, and stable. I mean I have the want and need to travel because that’s how I culture myself but beyond that (moving) I don’t feel that ‘GO NOW!’ feeling. I really am starting to feel like it has a lot to do with my transition being at a level of past tense and not so much forefront. I can’t literally say my transition is post because as a human being I am forever evolving and becoming more of the man I was meant to be. But now it is just another memory like the adolescence left behind as you travel into maturity.

I feel blessed, I feel emerged in opportunity and positive energy, I feel like life is just really starting for me. Its truly amazing how much change can surface in such a sort amount of time. And you know what I’m really going to stop saying change because as a man I am and will always be me but I have evolved to another level of myself.

I feel blessed that I am able to clearly see this level of elevation that a lot of people go through their whole life without even a glimpse of this. I’m content within myself, I love the man I am, the man I have become, and the man I will become. I still lack the love from another that I would like but I’m at a better place to deal with it. As they say when you have ever truly loved someone; “I never stopped loving you, I’ve just learned to live with the pain of not having you in my life”. Yes there is a void that’s evident within my heart but I’m man enough to admit there’s only one person that’s woman enough to fill that spot. With that said I’ve learned to be content with myself. I don’t see myself opening up to another woman because another portion of my self discovery has lead me to the conclusion that I’m selfish and very picky about who I actually give my full love, heart, and attention to. Once I’ve made my mind up about where my heart belongs there is no reversal in that. Many may see me as unwise for the decisions I make but at the same time if they had the relationship with higher power that I do they wouldn’t second guess me. It only takes faith in something to start a domino effect of truth. Those who try to disassemble this truth in fear will only disassemble themselves. Its another clear lesson I’ve learned and since reversing my actions and thoughts I’ve seen the benefits of faithful thinking.

Life is truly mind over matter…

So many positives surround me its getting to the point that I feel like I’ve reach the top. But I would be a fool to ever think I was at the top. To me in my eyes success is just a fleshly asset, the top is only obtainable when you take your last breath if you catch my drift. I’m blessed with opportunity to excel so that my future is comfortable. I will have the means to live the means to raise a healthy stable family. Someone is definitely proud of me and watching over me and I will not let them down by any means. Straight A student, working, conditioning my body, cleansing my soul, appreciating my past, and anticipating tomorrow.

Life is so good when you finally see what all is there for you…

“Be grateful in your moment or regret being faithless in your future” -A.R

Inshallah the sun will shine radiant on my future, I humble myself and embrace the possibilities that lie ahead of me…

Until next time…

Salaam

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