Well today is the last day I spend here in Belgrade. As usual I’m early to rise just laying here a bit lethargic at 4:30 am. Lots of thoughts going through my mind as I see myself returning to the states literally as a whole new man. Wondering the conversations I will have with relatives that I’m not too too close with but I know will call to check on me once I’m gathered and ready to talk. I actually spoke with my mother’s father for the first time in over a year, last time he seen me I was about 13 months on T and he would not address me by my male name nor my appropriate pronouns. But the day I left for Belgrade he called my mother to get my number and gave me a call to tell me happy travels and be safe and that he was happy and proud of me. This shocked me to say the least because of my heritage on his side of the family being islanders anything outside of the normal spectrum is shunned, so it made me feel somewhat well knowing he cared enough to put that to the side and show he cared. Not only the family part of my life will change but the way others interact with me now will be 100% different from before due to my complete new form and I feel myself having to gain a new no tolerance attitude in certain situations to maintain my safety and sanity. There certain expectations from people placed on those post op and I see why a lot of people go stealth after this operation but I can’t seem to pull myself to do so no matter how redundant somethings can get.

Any who, I started my day as I would always and made sure things were extra clean. I decided I would treat my lower area as if the “red devil” were around seeing as though I have urethral bleeding and change and clean about every 6-7 hours. The skin is a bit sensitive to touch nothing unbearable but very tender which Marta and Miro said is perfectly normal. I do notice today it is a lot easier for me to move my penis around as it seems to be shifting positions and protruding more outwardly. As well I have noticed that there is a slight decrease in swelling already since I have been wearing the stretch briefs. I really wish they didn’t just sell them online I would have liked to be able to go out and just by some more. I’m not really a briefs man but I have been flirting with the idea of some certain kinds of briefs lately that I think my package would look nice in.

Its about 12 pm now and I know to myself with it being a week day Miro and Marta are very busy. The phone rings and it is Marta telling me lunch is on the way and she has a gift for me. So I unlock and open the door as usual, seeing as though all she has to do is literally walk down the stairs and she’s at my door lol. Today was 3 hamburgers, tomato sauce, home-made mashed potatoes, crushed tomato stew, and more veggie and beef stew; she definitely knows how to keep this brother fed and happy :D. Then she also gives me a letter or should I say more specifically a carrying letter for my Cialis. Seeing as though I’m carrying 12 boxes with me in my luggage I wanted to have something stating the said boxes are for my consumption prescribed by the Dr. FYI if you need and/or want any kind of letters or documents stating anything for any purpose (school, work, travel, etc) please do not hesitate to let Miro or Marta know and they will provide you with said letters easily. After explaining my letter Marta then showed me my gift from the team, like they havent already given me the best gift in the WORLD! It was a souvenir mug that says “I Love Beograd”, but Beograd is spelt in Serbian. FYI Belgrade is the English spelling of Beograd, if you look on the map it is Beograd, many countries abroad get a different name when it comes to Americas usage. More than likely this mug will end up staying at my grandmother’s house I know this way nothing will happen to it at all. We then sit down and talk about post operative care. She tells me about the Cialis again and how to dose it. She goes over cleaning as well as properly flushing my urethra, I know it is harder for me to flush without a hand mirror so I can’t get in there like im supposed to but I gave word that I will do better at home which I will. She briefly went over voiding because Miro would be by later to give major details. She then went over pumping stating that IF I needed a pump it could be arranged, she joked about all my new tasks to remember stating, ” I know you feel like you have so many obligations now” lol. I told her that pumping to me is something that I enjoy and am very used to. She told me pumping should start at week 3 BUT if there is any discharge, bleeding, loose or popped stitches, or anything else out of the normal to contact herself or Miro right away and hold off for one more week until instructed on what to do within 12 hours because of the time difference. She explained in detail why pumping for 6 months post op was so very important and once she did my understanding of things increased more.

The reason why Miro is so very persistent about post op pumping is the fact that scar tissue settles the most over the first 6 months. If this tissue is softened and stretched the retraction is reduced if not eliminated completely. Just like with massaging my chest after top, the constant tugging will loosen and soften the scar tissue making things more pliable and well as allowing more vasculization for firm and long-lasting erections. So as you see pumping holds a key to a lot of beneficial things, for me this is just an added plus because I enjoy the regime of pumping. I am a bit apprehensive about my first pump just simply because of not knowing what it will feel like putting pressure on my new penis but all in all I know it is for the betterment of results in the latter. As mentioned in previous posts I plan on pumping for well until I pursue phalloplasty so the results shall be very interesting to say the least. As well as I plan on getting a new cylinder when I get home that I really excited about.

After the pumping conversation Marta then went over my scrotum and the effects that would be happening in the next 6-8 weeks. She explained that the skin will become very soft and more natural feeling as it as pre op. This is the forming of the capsules which is basically the space in which the implants have created so that they can flow freely. She then also reassured me that things will look very much different in the coming weeks as the capsules for and my body adjusts to its new-found form. She stated that everything right now is still brand new so in turn it all is somewhat compacted into a smaller space but as i heal things will expand and shift position but I will be very pleased with my results, just what Miro keeps saying. I am very intrigued to finally see what it is that they are talking about, hell I’ll just be happy when it doesn’t feel like I’m being attacked by itching powder lol. After this speech she then told me at 4 weeks I will be able to “exercise” my penis aka masturbate at my leisure, she kind of got a bit blushed when mentioning this it was funny lol.

After all the surgical stuff she mentioned that Miro would be on his way after he was done with surgery. The whole team besides Marta was in surgery today, she was not due to her studying for her Masters oral exam/presentation tomorrow. We talked a bit about her presentation and I gave her a bit of reassurance that she would do just fine, because well hell she is a very awesome and personalable Dr if Imust say so myself. It’s pretty cool being able to have a down to earth conversation with my Dr., this is why I like my PCP actually we talk more on a friendly level then just a Dr.  and patient level. I think more Dr’s should do this it would establish a better foundation for trust so when matters arise patients would be more inclined to speak up on issues. After this she told me that she would be calling a cab for me in the AM but would be back later with Miro to tell me what time exactly. She left me to my lunch and went back to her studies.

I then ate lunch and after lunch made a YouTube video updating all of those who have subscribe in that arena of my life. I find it highly therapeutic that I have my blog here and my YouTube it allows me to openly and interactively express my feelings in a a safe and positive way without boundaries which can sometimes be felt when in a clinical or group setting. This is why I encourage others to write, vlog even if you don’t post them keep them for yourself, or even just take photographic logs of their transition. Personal reflection of progress can take a horrid day and turn it into a day of strength and will power to proceed onto the future.

Any who, I decided to take a slight half ass nap knowing damn well Miro and Marta would show up as soon as I got comfy. I got maybe into the first cycle of sleep, you know the point where you’re not dead sleep but you can still hear stuff. I heard the doorbell but brushed it off as TV nose and then of course the cellphone rung so I knew they were here. I was on caution because I did not know if Miro was going to want to check me as Marta had mentioned bandage before during lunch. But this time Miro was just here to talk :D, YESSS! He went over voiding, I’m not allowed to void until Jan. 3rd which is a bit over 3 weeks post op. I am to contact him first to receive instructions on voiding then and only then am I allow to start. He will be in the states around this time so he gave me his US cellphone number. If there is any issues with voiding during this time I am instructed to come to Baltimore where he will be to get things sorted out. Hopefully all goes well and I wont need to travel, but maybe I will travel just to have lunch with him and thank him for everything :D. I am also to message him from my cellphone Monday so he can have my contact in case of any incidence, I think due to my hematoma he is extra cautious with my case.

After this Marta decided to check me to see what was going on down yonder way. She flushes my urethra and tells me again make sure to insert the syringe tip fully inside to get the blood out of the urethra and keep things clean and clear. The blood is bright red so there’s not any signs of anything bad going on just normal bleeding from healing. She pushes my left nad up and asks if there is pain, there is none. She pushes my right nad up and asks if there is pain, there is none. Then presses and pushes up my penis slightly and asked if it is painful or just tender, it is tender which is normal as well since the skin is very sensitive as of right now. She then says is it 100% safe to use any kind of soap in my genital area as the stitching has healed over as well as my drain holes have healed over very nicely. She then pulls out the bandage strip and begins to talk to Miro in Serbian, more than likely about how much to put on. He tells her to only wrap my penis twice so that it is not too much for me to take off in 2 days time. Miro cuts the bandage playing around with the scissor over my penis acting like he was going to cut it off, lol sense of humor they have is too funny lol but it keeps you very warm and makes you feel welcomed :D. Once I’m all wrapped up Marta gives me another urine bag, a bag of cotton pads, a syringe for my urethra flushing, and tells me I can take some gauze with me. Miro and Marta then thank me for coming to Belgrade and trusting in their care and they hope I come back soon as a tourist so that I can get a taste of the life here and they can show me around a bit. I definitely plan on taking them up on this offer. They are sooooo very nice :D. They both hug me and leave me to myself again.

I am going to miss it here and am going to miss them as well. I am about to write in the log book here that’s left for the patients. I hope who ever is after me in this apartment gets to read the stories of the men before him and gets a great experience. I can not express how happy I am that I had the opportunity to come here to complete this major step in my life. All the things I have been through leading up to this moment I would do again just to reach this moment, just to say I made it despite all odds. I have so much life ahead of me now and I really can not wait to see what it holds in store for me :D…

Thank you Dr. Miro, Dr. Marta and her wonderful family, Dr. Marko, Dr. Vladimir, Dr. Korac, and St Medica Staff and Vessna’s for making my experience the best any man in my position could ask for. I will never for get you all for helping to complete my life in so many ways…

Well now I’m off to relax, I have a very big day of travel ahead of me…

See you all stateside…

Salaam

P.S,

Thank you to all of my friends and even those who I don’t know that well for making me feel wonderful while going through this alone. Your words have meant the world to me and I really appreciate you all.

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Comments
  1. I am glad they treated you well. I am happy that you are on your way back. Now if you act up I can kick you in the nuts! 8D

  2. Sean W says:

    yo man i can only imagine ..shit is even emotional to writte right now..i can only imagine how u feel finally becoming a full fledge man ..this road im on seems like its so far away to have that moment as u had when it all finally comes together ..whats next for u bro ..im beyond happy for u i hope u continue to stayblessed ..i was reading about when u said writing is you r therapy ..im a poet and havent written in so long its like i have so much to say but get blank when the pen and pad are in my hand ..but being in beefheads i feel comfortable meeting u guys who have or are goin thru the same being in this transistion state and when i write it seems to be a bit of an exhale moment .. one end its hard for me to trustt people the other i wanna make atleast friend who understands what i goin thru ..thank you for being you and being the voice for sum guys who remain quiet..peace

    • toyneboi says:

      Yea man most def I started to get a bit teary eyed while writing this I wont even lie. Just so much emotions going on while going through this journey but im so glad I made it through. I too had writers block for many years but its like this last step open the flood gates to my emotional being that I had once lost and now i feel back on track with myself. Its really sad how people deny us this connection with inner self but i continue to pray that all of my brothers that are in this struggle will one day feel the same as I do. I hope to make that dream come true for as many as I can. Im not too sure of how exactyly I will yet but when I find the proper way things will be monumentous.

  3. Tom says:

    Sounds like you had a great trip! Safe travels
    home!

  4. Rob says:

    I second what Cris said except kicking you in the nuts,
    lol. Do you mind if I ask how you were able to finance your
    metoidioplasty in Belgrade? You’re young, so how did you do it, let
    alone everything in a year’s time?

    • toyneboi says:

      I have a great grandmother who allowed me to use a bond I had for school for my surgery seeing as though I can get financial aid this worked out for the better. If u read my other blogs you will see my top and hysto were paid for by insurance.

      • Rob says:

        You are one lucky man to have such a wonderful great
        grandmother. 🙂 I had my hysto paid for by insurance but top
        surgery was paid for out of pocket. Will definitely read your other
        blogs, especially about your top surgery and how insurance was
        involved.

      • toyneboi says:

        Yea man there are all sorts of resources out there. If your looking for bottom surgery that would def be a valuable resource to check into.

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