So like always I wake up at the ass crap of dawn for no apparent reason. I do the usual regime of meds, tea, and food. I also make sure I cleanse the nads throughly and flush my stent. Today is the day I get my stent removed. I’m excited but at the same time I’m not too thrilled surrounding the facts of a tube being pulled out of me, especially my urethra, UGGGHHH. I was expecting Marta early seeing as though she said she would come about 11. But knowing what I seen out the window if she was feeling how I was feeling she wasn’t leaving her bed until later lol. All this damn snow is just coming out of NOOOO where.

So I laid around until about 9:30 am then decided I wanted to experiment with a bit of self cooking. Nothing too extreme, pasta and tomato sauce. Simple but filling, so I was off to hobble to the kitchen. You know you never really see how something so small and simple to do while healed can take sooooo much out of you while you uneasy on your feel and have sore nads. After I got done cooking and eating a brother was too tuckered out so we all know what the preceding events entailed lol. After my nap I got up and cleansed the nads again, it was around 2 pm now so I felt it was only right. I like to know things are clean even if I don’t feel like showering. And today is one of those  “hell no its too damn cold to shower” days, not like im dirty I don’t freaking move anywhere lol.

Shortly after my cleanse the cellphone rung, oh just a FYI they give you access to a cell phone and landline Ill upload the pictures containing all the amenities in this apt when I get home. It was Marta telling me she would be downstairs to come talk to me for a bit and remove my stent. My freaking toes curled at the thought of it BUT I knew it was something that just had to be done so I prepped myself. About 10 mins later she came to the door bearing food of course, it was a bowl of roast and carrot stew. I am def going to have a stew obsession when I leave here, crock pots are going to be this mans new best friend lol.

I then assumed my normal spot on the couch with my changing pad in place under me while Marta prepped everything for removal. She unwrapped my penis first, this time didn’t hurt until she got to the part of the bandage that was closer to the stitches that stung a bit. Then she pour saline on the gauze she had wrapped underneath so that didn’t hurt at all coming off. She cleaned things up a bit and also checked to make sure there was no bleeding, messed up stitching, or edema (swelling from excessive accumulation of watery fluid in cells, tissues, or serous cavities) which I did not so all was good in that area.I do appreciate her warning me before she cut the stitch holding my stent in place, any man will freak when a woman comes near his junk with a sharp object lol. The stitch cutting was very uncomfy but nothing too serious. NOW this stent coming out was the weirdest damn feeling of my life lol. First of all I did not expect the stent to be like 6 inches long so imagine all that coming out of your pee hole, EWW. Secondly it feels like someone giving you an anal laxative in reverse, to those that find pleasure putting things in their urethra I just do not get it lol. But anyway she yanked it rather quickly thank goodness and it didn’t sting really just left me feeling some what violated lol.

She then check everything over to make sure things still looked fine without the stent in place. Then showed me the stent saying that is how long my new urethra is, which is pretty freaking amazing to say the least. everything looks great beside the fact now turtle syndrome is in overdrive, thanks swelling lol. I can tell there is still good sizing though once swelling goes down my penis will extent nicely. I have seriously given thought to icing my nads when I get home which sounds better and better every thought of it. Marta then shows me how to flush my urethra without the needle and only the syringe. Which now feels even stranger because I have to put the tip of the syringe into my urethra and flush it once a day. After flushing it once for me there’s now actually drainage I can see, not a lot of blood from my penis but enough to be weird. She then tells me due to no edema or anything else she going to leave me unwrapped until its time for me to go home. She then puts antibiotic ointment on my stitches under my penis which gives me the green light that it is now ok to use my triple antibiotic ointment that I love, YES!!! This stuff makes my wounds heal over 30 times faster than anything else.

She hands me one large gauze to go over my entire genitalia and another pad because she knows they comfort my sitting since I’ve mastered it already :D. Then I’m all good to go, she then goes over the last few expenses that I have which we have already discussed I am short on. I contacted my grandmother on the balance of things and had to apologize for not listening when she told me to bring more money. I didn’t factor in a 6 month supply(216 euro=$283) of cialis so that’s what goofed things up but everything else was covered in full so that’s a great relief, but the remaining for the cialis will be deposited in Miro’s account on monday when she returns from a trip she’s on at the moment. Then we parted ways as usual and I was back to my spot on the couch.

I felt myself get hungry a bit after so I made way to the kitchen and fixed some more pasta and ate the rest of the casserole that was left. I then found myself in conversation with two prior patients of Miro via Gmail chat. It was very interesting comparing notes on healing with them as they are 3 weeks post op and I am one. Even though we all had the same procedure, minus the buccal graft I received and they didn’t (lucky ducks lol) things varied so much as fair as outcomes, healing, and experiences. Truly amazes me to no end how we’re so much alike yet so different. I really enjoyed this conversation as well enjoy having all the lower surgery groups that are out there for me to compare and contrast with others that have been in my shoes or plan to do so. It’s very very helpful when doing things on your own and/or with no support. Likewise when it is time for me to venture off into the realm of phalloplasty in 5-6 years they will continue to be helpful.

Speaking of phalloplasty which may have made some heads turn sideways when I mentioned me venturing off into that realm. I wanted to go over the reason why that’s even in my mind. Just for clarification I AM happy with all my results of metoidioplasty and do not feel at all that I made any mistake. In fact this step has been planned since day one. I seen my genital growth as stages that I would have had as a natal male. No one is just born with adult sized junk, so I was ok with going through the stages of junk size and still am. I am not one sucked into the whole “Black Male Ego Dick Trip” , I was born different and embrace that. I also understand who ever my partner will be in the future will love me for me not whats in my pants so going straight for phalloplasty was never a wise decision for me I feel 100% comfortable with the way I have done things. Metoidioplasty has done many great things for me as far as alleviation of a lot of dysphoria that was seriously paralyzing my whole life in many ways. Now that I am able to live my life with clear thoughts things like school, work, and the various other plans I have for my life are much easier to start and stick through. As well I would like to keep my eye on the many advancement that phalloplasty will make in the next 5-6 years. I have spoken to Dr. Miro, yes I will be getting MLD phalloplasty with Miro, about his technique and already from last year to this year he has made advancement in his techniques which says a lot. As well as by being a prior patient I get a good price on my phalloplasty and can skip some very fugal first stages because they are already done. This time also gives me ample time to distressfully save the required amount and then some so I will not only be able to have surgery but be able to see a little bit of Europe before getting to Belgrade.

So as I say all this as you can see was throughly thought out many years in advance without regret of any kind. Many people would see this as unnecessary or redundant, but as I always make very very clear this is my transition and I do what I feel right for me and me only. Opinions are just like assholes so there are vast amounts of them, but the thought that matters in the end is “Are you happy Ant?”. If I can not answer that with a yes then the whole point has been defeated and I find it very frustrating when I am not living for me but more so living for the reflection and expectation of someone else. Not a good look by any means.

This leads me into a post about life after transition, but I will wait to post that at a later date in time for a few reasons. So enough ranting for now lol.

Until day 9

Salaam

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Comments
  1. I am glad the stent is out and you are doing well. I definitely can relate to the meta alleviating a lot of dysphoria though having future plans for phalloplasty. As always Happy healing.

    • toyneboi says:

      Shoot who you telling I’m tired of walking like a freaking duck, now i just walk real slow like something is slowing me down. I am determined to figure out wtf this hair is stabbing me, its getting a bit much it was never this bad before surgery so maybe its due to the extra tenderness…I will be going to shower and soak the nads some so maybe warm water will losen things up a bit more.

  2. QC says:

    I’m glad to hear you are healing well and, more, that you are happy. In the end your happiness is what’s important.

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