So here it is, almost down to the wire of things. Can’t believe it’s so close I remember how it felt right before both of my other surgeries and how the days just flew by like that after day 45 lol. For the most part I’m ready to go for surgery still have a few more medical tests I have to get done but other than that things are all green lights 🙂
I have my ticket for travel all squared away, I leave here at 6:50 pm and get to Belgrade at 2:00 pm. So basically its like a day I get to see what Zürich is like for a few hours so that’s cool by me. I just cant wait to get there and get things rolling. It’ll be great when things are over though so then I could get through the healing process. I think that part to me is the worse process of any surgery. But once im healed things are excellent in all ways so I plan to just bounce back quickly.
It’s still a little bit surreal like I’ll believe it fully after I wake up from surgery lol. I’m ready though just another process to get me to where i need to be. I feel myself pulling away from a lot of things as the days wind down. Not just because things are hectic I’m just really tired of a lot and I want and need to focus on other things that will propel my life in the proper directions.
The things that are to come in my life I am feeling very good about. I can’t wait to see how things actually play out but I’m known to go with my gut feelings and my gut says full steam ahead so I’m diving right on in. There are always a few anxieties that I will always possess but I rather go for it then regret never being able to muster up the strength and lose out on something I want. Partially my new years resolution, to take charge and do whats right the first time so there needs to be no back tracking later.
I love the fact that I have had the opportunity to take this journey, it has made me stronger and appreciate a lot more that I have and will have in my life. I appreciate the people I have around me especially those who actually love me. Even through out this time I have made tremendous mistakes that at times I wish I could reverse but I know they were intended to happen so I could learn from them. Nothing I’m referring to regards my body or process but things I did to those around me that didn’t deserve some of my moods. It’s a battle on all sides mine and the outside but those that have stuck it out no matter what I am proud to say I have such wonderful people surrounding me.
I’m looking forward to this new year. A completely new start is what I’m aiming at for multiple reasons. I can now focus on the things and people I love and not who and what everyone sees me as because without a doubt they will see what I reflect inside and out. I’ve missed a lot these years where my focus was blurred by my own needs but now that blockage is gone its like a whole new world. A breath of well over do fresh air, and a very beautiful feeling to finally have.
I finally feel free to be myself and nothing else…30 more days and it seems like forever