Hello Future…I’m Ready

Posted: September 16, 2010 in Changes, Dysphoria, Growth, POC = People Of Color, post t, Post-op, Pre-op, spoken word, Transgender, update

So as usual im working out and this is what blasting in my ears. Strikes a cord in every emotional stride im taking…the words speak so much of societal values of what I’m supposed to be. Whats supposed to happen whats supposed to be but the fact and common denominator is the fact that I’m not and I’m only what I can be  and that’s only what I feel.

That brings me to the topic thats been at hand, the long john or as many would know him as the “wang”. I’ve been hearing plenty of comments surrounding metoidioplasty and the ideal of the size. Which to most, and to many can be stagnation of their own mission for whatever reason, more-so the fact of the talk by the ones surrounding them. In personal favor I get around the talk because I have come to understand that talk means little, the being and way you feel after the talk being happy is all that matters the most.

No matter what I have done with my life there is always someone that disagreed with my path, notice the word MY. There is always that social stagnate but when you stop for only a pause and think about self what does that really matter? I knew from a very young age that I was missing a factor of self. Missing something that societal factors define as male. Even though those factors really mean nothing and the avg. human vessel is so unique and varies in so many ways the normal mind can never comprehend the perplexity of human demeanor. I sit back in my space and just take in all I see.

I know for my self I needed that factor that I was taught to be male. that I feel to be male so I take that step to be that to see that in my every day. Some can not some may never but that is the design of the paths we lead. Many will never understand because they are not meant to pull in that type of knowledge due to the simplicity of their being and that’s another thing I had to surpass.

What i will embody is something meant for me and no one else. There is a standard of being that is set for transmen all over this word, what we are what we aren’t but if everyone took a second to stop and think the next man is not one you see in front of you for we are all unique in so many factors.

I am not my dick therefore my dick is not me. I am man before my dick and he follows only after my presence. The election of this idea and state of mind was envisioned by my maker and the free will and wisdom he instilled within me. So why does it matter that anyone else understands nor sees the facts that lie within me and my path? Too much worry about the surroundings will get me no where fast so I stop and pause on my next making.

Hello to my future and hello to my past, i stand with all recognition of who I was even if that means standing as one. As I recall that’s how the greatest nation begun upon the ideals and the dream of one. that’s how I stand even if no one ever follows I am proud of who I am and the man I was always underneath the shadows it just took a little bit more effort for those around me to really see the truth. That struggle defines me, it breaths me, it is as much as apart of me as the sun rising to bring my new dawn. I love me and I love the endings of the old chapter as the pages turn.

I love, I feel, I breathe…

this is the life I lead and my normal is the opposite of societies dreams…all I can do is smile and say that I’m ok with being me with no regrets with no fears. the only tears i shed are of happiness its just sad that the world can’t see. no one outside of my struggle understands but for the facts I do and I understand. that who I am is all I can be and the future you see holds nothing but what I want it to be. for who I am is all he made me to be the creation of his perfection, not human perception. the man, the king, the wisdom full fleshy being. Whether your norm whether the perception of what you were taught to understand…..

i am Love

i am Real

and i will forever be Me

And for that im ready eternally because when I open my eyes each day all I can do is breathe…

all I can do is live

all I can be is…

Me

Salaam

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