Seeing life from a new prespective…

Posted: June 19, 2010 in Bilateral Salpingo Oopherectomy, Changes, Dysphoria, Post-op, TLH-BSO, Top Surgery, Transgender, update

So it’s been about a week and 4 days since I had my hysto. Healing is going perfectly I couldn’t really ask for anything more than what I have. Still Love Dr. Rodriguez :).

Over this time span I have noticed things about me that have changed not so much a bad thing but more or less a good thing for me. I’ve started to see things a bit clearer in perspectives of what I need for myself and what other want from me and actually putting their wants for me to the side. I’ve pretty much all my life done what others have wanted me to besides my transition. I’ve gone here went there and so on and so forth but always ran into the same dilemma with not being completely happy and still searching for something to fill an apparent void. My first void was being able to complete myself and since knowingly filling that and feeling the progress there is another void that is opening up slowly. I need to focus on my passion and where and what makes me happy just like i did with my transition.

It’s not just that void that is starting to come into play but other things are changing about me that I would also have to say are hysto/hormonally related. I found myself once before like I was starting T , that feeling of certain things bothering you and other things you just like yeah whatever. Well that has shifted into an all time high. As I said on my YouTube video, I believe that was my last “give a fuck organ”. I sincerely believe that to be truth. People have tried their damnest to upset me, bring me down, and the whole nine since reaching this past achievement and you know what half the time I laugh and the other half I’m just shaking my head in disappointment.

Like I honestly do not understand some people logic anymore. Not saying my lack of understanding has changed but saying the things that they say are totally irrational in every sense of the word. It’s amazing what  little bit of clarity can do for you huh. But you know what I would not trade my new-found self for nothing in the word and I do not care what anyone has to say honestly because at the end of the day I still have what I need to get me through my day and words have no meaning or hold over me. So when it is all done and said they are actually the ones pissed and I’m just damn fine.

I don’t know how much I can express I’m soooooo happy that I did this first. The new mental, emotional, physical of this whole post op feeling is indescribably. Eye opening in so many ways. Nut the best thing about this all is that means I’m just one step closer to doing what I need to do for me. I’m just one step closer to the end of the new beginning. Just one day closer to being happier. Just one moment closer to completion. Just a few months from being able to clear my head completely so I can focus on my life outside of transition.

Some people can focus on other things at the same time but there are a lot like myself who have a serious dysphoria level where it affects us in more ways then one even if it’s not tangible on the surface. That’s why each man has his own struggle, that’s why there should always be respect and never pressure of trying to hinder the next mans progress. That hindering can cause a chain reaction to many events in that persons life. Moral of the story treat your brothers how you want to be treated.

I can not wait to get back to where I want to be and start doing the things that will make my life better and the community around me as well. I hear a lot of people saying I inspire them but all of my brother inspire me as well. Without you guys I would be very lost, so I thank you all for being there.

Enough of me ranting…more to come soon

OHHHHHH yeah…30 days until top surgery ooot ooot… 🙂 The picture page will be up for that shortly I haven’t decided on what I will put up there just yet but we shall see. I’ll prob. do before and after pics etc etc…

Salaam

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Comments
  1. Awesome! I’m going in the opposite direction, but good for you!

    Kate

  2. Kye says:

    Thats rite bro tell it and yuh are a very inspirational man

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