Packing and My dysphoria Pre-Meta

Posted: June 2, 2010 in Bottom Surgery, Dysphoria, Growth, Male Ego, Metiodioplasty, Pre-op, Pumping, Transgender, Urethral Extention, Vaginectomy

So…is it just me or are there others who find packing or using stp’s more then a little annoying? Now when I say annoying I don’t mean hard to use I mean literally annoying to your skin and dysphoria? Not to mention my bio-member is really too big to be sharing room with devices. I find it easier to not use it and in doing so it has alleviated a lot of dysphoria I have had around my package. It’s like the affect of getting testis implants too big…it dwarfs my dick and if that’s not a low blow i don’t know what is.

Not to mention I have no issues standing while peeing. I actually had a few ask me how ad my honest answer is I really don’t know. I tried it at 5 and been doing it ever since then lol. A lot ask do I get annoyed having to pull my pants down in the stall and at times yes I do but after logically thinking about a few things the annoyance is purely the fact that I do have to pull them down not the actual fact of not being able to use the urinal. Honestly speaking unless it’s a floor urinal I’m not using it anyway. I don’t know if you have seen a mensroom urinal but I’ll be damned if I’m peeing in that, mess around get splash back and end up with clap lmao naw I’m good. But as I said there’s many logical reasons as to why my pants are down to my ankles…

1) I could have a catheter that needs to be emptied

2) I could be one of those people that feel more able to go if nothing is around my body (for those that get naked to crap you know what in talking about)

3) I could just have been like that all my life and just like the privacy

Fact is men using the mensroom AREN’T PAYING ATTENTION ANYWAY! With the transition from the ladies room to the mensroom I think we tend to develop some pre thoughts of what we think is going on but truth is were making ourselves paranoid as hell. Which ultimately leads to a deeper level of dysphoria some what of a plateau.

So my plan was to never use the urinal really so it’s not top priority my only priority is to be anatomically correct in male form. I find also my needs def. vary from many guys I have talked to I really haven’t spoken to anyone who had just my reason there’s always ones to accompany. Not saying they are wrong by no means I just feel like oddball out. It’s cool though I pride myself on being unique and it gives others direct if they choose so.

Just like asking me to always use an enhancer during play had me really dysphoric. I’ve been able to actively penetrate without assistance for the greater majority of my transition so me knowing I can but being asked to for lack of better terms “strap up” is def a low blower for me. Basically I know I can penetrate her but her telling me that to me I’d like saying “oh ya package is cool but not big enough for me”….can we say ouch much? Once again I don’t think anyone else has this issue but it bothered me for quite some time. For a long while it had me set on getting a phallo because that’s what seemed to be what women wanted. BUT I had to catch myself in that moment and ask myself, “sir what in SAM hell are you doing? Are we doing this to please people that ultimately are seasonal or are we doing this for us and long term satisfaction and ultimate dysphoria alleviation?” and every time it’s the same answer THIS IS MY BODY AND I’M DOING THIS FOR ME! Which lead me to constant research on natural enhancement which in turn has been helping me grow pre meta and will result in phenomenal results post op that will get rid of the issues I’m having now.

My ultimate plan has been and always will be meta and then phallo. My reasons are simple, phallo was never my need it was a basis to please others. BUT who knows what the future of technology will bring so I keep it as a later in life option that I have plenty of time to save for. I’m 22 and have yet to do what I need to do with life because it’s consumed with transition and dysphoria. Some people can do everything at once but myself I like to focus completely on one life change before following another. One of the main reasons I had to transition when I did. But by doing so transition eats no more time out of my life then a 2 year college. I think it was well worth it, because once I’m 110% my school work will be easy and I won’t be stressed about my test and when is surgery gonna happen, how’s it getting done, who’s doing it, etc. It just makes my life easier. Sure maybe if I transitioned during HS it would have been easier to multi task but still even then HS for ne was beyond horrible and being in foster care telling them wouldve made my life living he’ll. Even though I was dying to say something but I couldn’t.

I think overall I pride myself for being different, wanted different, and thinking different. Yes I have my black male ego but you know what honestly I don’t need to compare because I was not born like the normal black male. And it’s if we go in terms of size I still have nothing to be ashamed of at all. Size is only circumstantial, if you have love, trust, and understanding you will get far. Just a small FYI for all those with this terrible ego we all have….most women really really don’t want a king kong dick in them they like their walls lmao. Personally if a chick told me she wanted one that’s huge I would have to walk away cause I really have no time to play in wading pools lmao. I’m just saying though I like to be able to feel my surroundings, if I wanted deep space 9 I would call caption Kurt and Scotty and tell them start the beam up roflmmao. I could go on for ever but y’all get the point lol.

Since my stop is up next I’ll end it here just had to get a bit of my issues out on the table….

Until next time


  1. Sly says:

    I enjoyed reading this post mainly cause I have more of a lower dysphoria than anything else I tried the packing thing but yes it annoys me, then pumping I feel it’s only streching my foreskin and not permanatly and now I’m not motivated to do it anymore. sometime I feel so crap about my lower body but don’t give a rats ass about my upper it could be like you the “black man ego syndorm” loll. I see you as a great example and I can’t stop saying that enough I rather you now when you’re alive that you hae impact me for the better and will be reading these posts for years to come.

    Stay Blessed brother

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