Well today was my first solidified sign that this surgery is sooooo
beyond getting ready to happen. It’s like to me it’s still sooo unreal
like just 3 months ago nothing was in the future but now I’m 7 days
away. Allah has really been holding me in his favor even despite
moments where giving up seemed so much easier BUT that’s what the
devil and those who wish to see me fail want and I can’t accept
failure at all. It’s amazing to phathom the fact that this time next
week I’ll be post op never to deal with this pain again.I find myself alot calmer now that it’s so close. Kinda like that
breath of fresh air I’ve been waiting 22 yrs to take. Even though my
date fop top surgery is still unknown I can still find peace. And
with both surgeries covered starting the second aka tomorrow I just
maybe albe to get top mid-end of this month still. Which would be
freaking awesome so I can celebrate the 4th and my 2 years on T. They
happen to be back to back which I always thought was cool.

One thing I did notice was my approval for my surgery coverage is the
same day I actually got my script but didn’t start til the following
week due to money issues. It’s just crazy how dates and other numbers
always reaccur in my life like this. This is why I always keep track
of my dates and progress I like to compare results.

I’ve decided i would actually scrapbook my letters pictures etc and
then put it up for safe keeping for my own personal reflection. It’s
good to look at when you have those rough days and it really helps
alot. I think no matter if your stealth or not you should keep pics
for yourself so you can know how far you have come to let you remember
things are possible with patience. Allah will make sure of it just
really have to believe.

I’ve also been praying for help emotionally to deal with the upcoming
surgeries and low and behold he’s fixed that issue slowly but surely.
He’s shown me to not look for quality of what others think it should
be because ultimatly the things we want are lust driven and love that
brews from lust always fails. He’s shown me to look beyond that look
beyond what I’m used to and embrace change just like others have done
with me. In doing so I find my level of happiness rising day after
day. From the stand point of relgion, life, family, and my transition
it’s just an amazing feeling. Def something I’m thankful for and would
very much like to get used to. I’m really tired of hurting for others
that can’t understand my needs and if I’m not happy then why should I
be making them happy? I question I had to repeat to myself over and
over as I tried to make reason for their actions. Never again will I
be subject to things like that. So we shall see where Allah guides
me….

Until next time

Salaam

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