Well lets see lets see…there’s like 247643982778264 thoughts floating around in my head at this moment things have just been so crazy but now seem like they have sorted themselves out. Which is def the best thing I’ve heard so far from this whole ordeal. Insurance has been a pain in my rectum for like 6 months now but seems to be well worth the hassle at this point. There’s just somethings you have to push for no matter what maybe going on or how you maybe feeling. To fight and win the battle is better then to fight and hit a road block and put things in reverse. I get discouraged yes, just like any normal person with a soul lol. But I find it now easier to bounce back from that because my level of faith has def tripled over this time frame. Now after 22 years of struggling with myself and who I am it seems to be coming to a swift end and I would have to def say im relieved. I know Ive seen some people discuss a sort of grieving period after and/or before surgery but for me it’s just like finally there’s going to be peace in my life. Finally my thoughts, actions, and feelings will align with my outer appearance. It’s still very much surreal to me. There’s a lot that a single operation is going to change and its just like wow, why can’t this be so simple for all of us. Quality of life will def be improved as a whole so why not “cure” what they diagnosis? It’s just blows my mind how backwards they make things for us.

A mere 6 months, change is going to completely over take reality and its just like WOW! This is it feels like when I knew I was ready to start taking T. It was just a countdown to show time and that’s what this feels like. I dont even or better yet I cant even describe the feeling just the thought of that gives me. I will admit i am nervous I’ll be in a unfamiliar country for a life changing event but at the same time im ready as ever. I dream about that day and have for a long long long time. Waking up with an iv in my hand and nurses trying to change my bandages. It’s like in the dream I feel everything how its supposed to be. I had a dream of my first shower completely post op, man if I could put into words the feeling that overcame me I would. I def woke up with a nice smile I just def can not wait. I never thought in a million years I would be this close to closure. I honestly thought It was going to take me for ever or even worse I would be stuck like this for the rest of my life. I’m not afraid of a lot but that right there would be the top of the list. But since knowing everything is solid I’m much more relaxed I do know that which def def feels excellent as well. Not even 2 years on T yet and when its over I’ll be barely 2 1/2 years on T. Its crazy I made a transition time line back in 07 and im right on time for top surgery but hyst. and bottom ive got those in early and it feels so good. to be so young and get this over and out of my life I feel like im getting another chance to do things properly. They way they should have been in the first place. And with new life comes new things as well. Learning how to break away from certain things and adapting to others. As well as getting myself ready to move into career mode and not just job after job to get by. Then finally settling down with someone whenever that may happen lmao but all in due time by Allah’s will.

I do know I plan on recording every moment of my surgeries and I want to try and get pics of my actual surgery etc etc. So def stay tuned…until next time

Salaam

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