MY GROUP DISCUSSION…Pressue to Transiton for the studs/ags/or in between

Posted: December 15, 2008 in Changes, coming out, Discrimination, Dysphoria, GID, Growth, Male Ego, pathologized, POC = People Of Color, post t, Pre-op, pre-t, Transgender

In having a few conversations with close friends and they have been expressing to me that other trans men who are Post-T, on T, pre-T, or considering T have been or do somewhat pressure them to start T or consider transitioning. The way they are explaining it to me is that once they tell the man they want to research(whether it be to start or just get a better understanding) and do things correctly the man comes down on them as if they are taking transition as a joke when in my eyes they are taking it as a precaution. With any substance going into your body or the body of those you care about you would and should like to know what it consists of, the side effects, etc.

This is not just something you wake up to and say I’m going to do this and then tomorrow I’m going to do that. That is another thing that some of the studs and femms/versatile women need to come to terms with. JUST because you and I dress a like and may act a like in many ways DOES NOT make me who you are nor does it make you who I am. Side by side pre-t I would look like any stud, but mentally, emotionally, and in my mirror physically I am Male and always have been.

Gender Identity is being treated like homosexuality and sex period. You CAN NOT be transman one day and female the next, you are not trans that is called wanting to fit in. You CAN NOT tell someone who they are even if swear you know them and have known them for years and years, some people take a long long time before they disclose who they really are because of judgment. You CAN NOT make someone who they are not no matter how hard you try, telling someone they don’t need to change or why are they changing or stay the way you are. Tcruly if this person is Transgendered you are causing more harm to them then helping by making these statements. Distress from G.I.D. (gender identity disorder) is serious and should not be played with, the worst case scenario is suicide and I would like to decrease the number of transgendered suicides, death, and harm due to other people not letting us be who we truly are. Some think we have some kinda disorder hence the word disorder linked in that GID we really don’t. How many of you know that they just recently removed Homosexuality from the DSM (psychological diagnose handbook for psychs.), but so many of the L and G in the community look at us like we are out of out minds when technically a little over 30 years ago all of you would have been look at the same way.

This is where the scientific facts of gender, orientation, preference, etc are exposed and implanted in the womb. It is a proven fact that if you are exposed to more T in the womb your finger lengths vary (watch the video on youtube).

When we fight for equal rights, there is a big fight for the community as a whole TRUE. But in actual life this community is divided, trans and lgb. Most states have EOE but a great majority of them DO NOT include gender identity ONLY SEXUAL ORIENTATION. No bs next time you look at a few applications peep the bottom and see what is included in EOE. As well as many other rights the lgb have been granted and have access to trans doorways are still closed. As a lesbian you can walk into the hospital with confidence that you will be treated and respected because they can not out you unless you tell them. Now take a second and think on how transman or women may feel going to the doctors, they view a male/female and respect us as such up until the point they see and ID with male name but F on it and vice versa then we get treated like scum, diseased, or get turned away all together. The famous line “WE DON’T TREAT PEOPLE LIKE YOU”. So for those of you thinking that we chose to go through this you are sadly mistaken and I really hope you can start to reevaluate the way you view myself and my trans brothers and sisters.


There seems to be some more misconceptions behind the fact that all transmen are straight, FALSE. Thats like saying all men are straight…lmao. Also YES some transmen do date other transmen and transwomen, depending on whether they prefer post of pre. But love is love so at times it doesn’t matter.

But answer this, if a transwomen dates a female is she straight or lesbian? For those saying straight please pick up a book, no matter if she is post op or pre op she is a woman and 2 women being involved is a lesbian couple, correct? And same thing goes from transmen that would date a stud, that would be a hetero relationship. But yet and still it gets wayyyyyyyy deeper then that because there are so many different SEXUALITIES.

Example: a person dates girls then goes to men then back to girls…you would call that a dick dyke in (hood terms since thats what used the most). The issue with this is, they weren’t lesbian, nor str8, theres sexualities beyond str8 and gay/les. Many people are Pansexual and don’t know it, which can be CONFUSED for bi but there is a BIG difference.


Ok heres the break down a lot of LGBTQ people don’t know before they fit themselves into a label…omnisexual, sapiosexual, and pansexual….then its LGBTQ

Pansexual, identifies those who claim to not see gender at all. They fall in love with who the person is internally and the gender of his or her partner has no weight in the situation at all.

Omnisexuality, has been referred to as a person who can feel attraction to all sexual orientations. Trans, gay, bi, les, pan, hetero, etcetera. Sexual orientation is not a barrier for him or her and they can explore it all. This word has also been said to mean the same thing as Pansexual.

Sapiosexual, A behavior of becoming attracted to or aroused by intelligence and its use. Has nothing to do with gender, in fact they are some what like Omni and Pan as far as seeing no gender at all. All they see and love is the intelligence. Like you may see a hot chick with a geeky guy but she is in love with him…or vice versa…this person 9 times out of 10 is Sapiosexaul.


How did you feel when you first came into yourself? Did you feel pressured or more realized? How are you feeling about yourself and others around you now that you have some more enlightenment on the whole community and some transition related material? Have you been one that has felt any of this?


  1. Sean says:

    Bro…this is a great topic & an excellent blog! You really broke it down here so people who didn’t understand before will now understand the difference between gender & sexuality… As far as some transmen pressuring studs/ags/etc to transition, I think that is ludicrious. Being trans, like you said, is not a choice. It is life or death for the majority of us, & if I hadn’t embraced the man hidden for all those years I’d be dead, in jail, or a psych ward…it was just that serious. I knew who I was when I was 6 but bc of my close minded family, I wasn’t allowed to express myself in any way that was outside of sports, music, & living how they saw fit… I think that people look at transitiong as a way to fit in or to blend in, when we transition for better quality of life… I can’t even explain to you how much better my life is now…I know you know it… Thank you for this, hopefully people will learn something from you man… Peace.

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Khalid F.A., Young Chasely.. Young Chasely. said: RT @R3lltheFuture  RT @toyneo MY GROUP DISCUSSION…Pressue to Transiton for the studs/ags/or in between : […]

  3. Sleepi says:

    Man this was really thorough n deep. I can relate to this in so many ways. Well put together.

    • toyneboi says:

      thank you, i really wanted everyone to understand that i get all points of view from being there and that no one on either side should feel that pressure. Be you love you thats how i live and think we all should

  4. Sean W says:

    man i felt that shit ..hit me hard because so many dont understand on so many levels lot misinformed people out here ..and when i try to explain i just end up being angry because i cant get my words together i just know what i feel and what i felt since a kid and has never went away ..growing up was hard because i couldnt be the man i am today ..all i hear now is i have a disorder or people tellin me how i feel but ive always been a person to not give a fuck about what people think of me ..but when people who claim they love and care about u come at u sideways and misinformed fucks me up but i love me more man ..bein stuck in a frame all ur life depressed all the time because theres a man inside fighting to get out and now that i got a chance to do somethin about it ,its a problem for folks . i want to say thank you for putting this blog together to know im not the only man thats feeling and going thru the same things

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