MY TRANS JOURNAL

Posted: April 21, 2008 in Discrimination, Dysphoria, pre-t, Transgender, update

Ughhhhh I’m so frustrated, I’m not happy with the way I am physically. I’m tired of feeling one way mentally and emotionally but physically don’t match. I’m tired of people asking whats wrong with me and not being able to tell them for fear of what they might say or how they may react or how they will feel towards me afterward. I’m tired of living how everyone else sees I should, I wanna feel like me I wanna be who I am inside and out.

I felt I had support but as the time gets closer and closer, I feel like its dwindling away. She scares me with the what ifs and the mights, it doesn’t make me unsure of myself I’m just scared shes gonna get so scared and leave me. She says shes not but its still a thought in my head that pops up.

My dislikes about me physically:
*Feminine facial features(no facial hair)
*Weight not where my goal weight should be(150-160lbs)
*Hair regrowth is not as fast as I would like
*Voice not as deep as I would like
*Physical appearance not appealing to myself, I don’t like the fact that the ribs show
*My six pack doesn’t cut like its supposed to
*My muscle don’t cut like they are supposed to

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